Existence jokes

Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?

"I finished my job."

What about me?

I wish we were all aborted. <3

What's the difference between me and a corpse? I mean, I'm not dead... yet, right?

When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.

My parents created a joke 11 years ago and people are still laughing at it, but I know it's not me because jokes have meaning.

Maybe you should go on eBay to see if they have a life for sale.

There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.

Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.

God: *SILENCE*

Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!

God: *SILENCE*

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"

And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."

They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.

I have no life, and I have no funny jokes.

Being alive is so expensive, I am not even having a good time doing it.

There was a kid and a historian in a museum about WW2 and were looking at Hitler in a car doing the Nazi salute. The kid said, “Why is he putting his arm in the air?” The historian said, “Indicators on cars didn’t exist back then so he’s probably saying take the Third Reich!”

(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?

Life is never hard until you get hit hard with reality.

My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?

Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.

What do you call someone with no nose and no body?

Nobody knows.

Who is yourself, and why do people keep telling me to kill him?

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you?

None, you are both dead on the inside. Lol.

What's the only gun that doesn't exist in Africa? The water gun.