New Establishment Jokes - Page 2

A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."

The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"

The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."

The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"

She says, "Vinegar and water."

A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar..."" The bartender says, "Just stop and take your fucking drink!"

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.

Q: Two skeletons walk into a bar. What happens?

A: They fall.

(They walked into a BAR, as in a rod or whatnot.)

The king took a shit on the craps table at the casino.

My mom walks in a bar and the bartender says "water?" saying "we only sell beer!"

A seal walks into a club.

A guy walks into a bar, then a table, and then a chair.

What do gay girls order in a bar?

Pussy juice.

A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter. He approaches her and says, "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion, but I was curious to know, if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?"

The young lady smiles and says, "That's a lot of money, of course, I would."

The doctor smiles and says, "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?"

The young lady says, "What, are you joking? That's no money at all. Of course, I wouldn't. What do you think I am?"

The Doctor smiles again and says, "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."

A blind man walks into a bar.

And a chair.

And a table.

So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."

He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."

What do you call a club that owls go to?

Hooters.

A man with 20 dollars walked into Dave & Buster's. He went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He walked out without any clothes but still has his money.