Else jokes

My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.

She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!

Come on guys, it's not nice to make fun of autism. I mean really, the Riot devs try their best, but just because they have autism does not mean you can make fun of them. Make fun of them for something else, like their Down syndrome.

This is a joke. Laugh now or else.

How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.

If you have sex and your African parents find out,

“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."

I am having a shit and there[sic] nothing else to read.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Boo." "Boo who?" "Don't cry in front of me, or else I'll cry!"

Hey, what are those things on your arms? They look like cuts. Wait, what? No, it's just marker. Nothing else...

I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.

I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.

(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)

Trump should be grateful for DEI.

How else could a mentally handicapped person be elected President?

My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"

I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."

She was amazed!

Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."

Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."

Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."

Teacher: "*stands up*"

Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."

I hope next time you ask your teacher to go to the toilet, your teacher says no, but when someone else asks, the teacher says yes to them.

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

Is anyone else on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop?

"Hey, tie your shoes! I don’t want you falling for anyone else."

I call this my great talk with Siri.

Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.

Siri: My mother? Huh?

Me: Did I stutter?

Siri: Interesting question.

Me: It wasn’t a question.

Siri: I’m not sure I understand?

Me: You should understand.

Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?

Me: No, you b***.

"Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild." He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!

Daveon is so straight, he thinks a straight line is the shortest distance between two points and nothing else.

My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.

I hung something else instead.