Dont jokes
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
Bully: Hey virgin!
Victim: I'm not a virgin, just ask your sister.
Bully: I don't have a sister, dumbass.
Victim: Just wait nine months.
Anakin Skywalker: I don't like sand.
*also him*
Anakin Skywalker: I lived on sand.
Yo, if Russia comes to the USA, just know their reboot cards don't expire.
Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.
Friend: I don't know.
Me: A black market.
So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.
I don't understand why the Twin Towers were super upset.
Their pizza just got there a lot faster by plane.
You know I would make a deaf joke, but I don't think they would hear it.
Why don't you take emo skydiving?
They cut the rope.
Bully: Your mom hates you.
Orphan: I don't have parents ;)
Me: I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g.”
Emo kid: He said like your bullet holes, G.
Me: I have no bullet holes.
Emo kid: Not yet, you don't.
Me: Ayo what the fuc*.
Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.
If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?
don't leave me hanging.
Stop telling orphan jokes before they tell their parents.
Oh wait, they don't have any, please continue.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."
A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."
If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.
What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?
They both don't last a while.