Domestic jokes

My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.

You know you have a domestic abuse problem when you beat your dick.

What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?

The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"

My dad told me I'm a failure.

I failed a math test.

Good thing there's a pole outside my house.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

Hit your wife harder.