What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"
My dad told me I'm a failure.
I failed a math test.
Good thing there's a pole outside my house.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit your wife harder.
