Do jokes
Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?
12 year old me: Yeah!
Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?
Me: What?
What do you call someone without a body?
Nobody.
What do you call Bill Tran?
Stupid noob.
How many times do I tap that ass? OVER 9000!
Did you know that most women are left-handed?
That’s because the majority of them don’t know what to do with rights.
Stranger: Do you need hair regrowth products?
Kid: No, my hairline is just far back.
Stranger: Do you need a doctor?
A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”
The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”
How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.
How do you cook an alligator? With a croc-pot.
What do you give the dentist of the year? A little plaque.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
Where do fruits go on vacation?
"Pear-is!"
"What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?"
"Sofishticated."
How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.
What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.
What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!
What do Americans and stars have in common?
They both love shooting up.
What do kids play when they have nothing else to do?
Bored games.
What do pigs use to clean up? Hogwash.
What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in your dirty laundry!