Do jokes
What do you say when Jack's late to sex ed?
"Aye-jack-you-late!"
What do you say if you want to borrow your black sister's foundation? "Got any lighter shades?"
What do eating a watermelon, rolling a cigarette, and eating a hippie chick out have in common?
Spit, spit, spit!
Beethoven composed his whole life.
What did he do in the afterlife? He decomposed! Har har har har har har.
Why do people have a lot of money and they have to spend it on jewelry 24/7 all the time?
Memes
What do you call a pregnant slave?
Buy 1 get 1 free.
Sonic says if you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
How do sick Mexicans say hello?
"Ebola."
I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.
Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?
Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!
I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.
If a person with Down syndrome robs you, what do you say? “I’m up your Down.”
What do you call a chubby Robert Pattinson? The Fatman.
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?
To the I.C.U.
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why do high tides come up so high?
Because they come up to say hi.
Your forehead is so big, it gets home 50 min before you do.
What do you call a fat motivational speaker?
Four chin teller.
What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control? A trip without kids.