Do jokes

Why do Indians gamble so much? They are hoping to one day reclaim their land.

"SCOOT WANT TAXI!" Ok, maybe I do but can't make it there because yo mama is so fat he can't hear me on the other side.

Lemme just say one thing:

Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.

What do you say to a magician with autism?

Are you "Autism-ic?"

Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. Their names were Johony and Papa.

All of the sudden, Johony passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies “My son just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”

This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing: "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?"

So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with, "I have two parrots as well, they are always praying, and they have everything that a parrot needs to be a Christian. Maybe if we put our parrots together, mine will fix yours."

They proceed to do so, and the lady's parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?" and the pastor's parrots reply with "Johnny, drop your beads and lift your heads, our prayers have been answered!"

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

He was dead.

Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?

He was also dead.

Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?

Monkey see, monkey do.

Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?

He was stapled to the first one.

When Chuck Norris was asked, "Do you know the way?" he replied, "I am the way!"

What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef stroganoff.

What do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a swimming pool?

Vegetable soup.

What do you call the United States of America under a Joe Biden presidency?

Answer: The Democratic People’s Socialist States of America. We're still America, just a different kind of America. And that’s no joke. 😔

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Fuck 'em.

What do you call a cow that doesn't produce any milk? An udder failure.

A man takes a boy into the woods.

Boy says:

"Mister, I’m scared, and it’s dark and cold."

The Man: "How do you think I feel? I’m walking out here alone!"

What do cheetahs do when they get a test?

They cheat!!!

Hey, did you know Paul Walker's gay?

Why do you say that?

Because he likes to wrap himself around long, old wood.

How do you spell "cognitive mess?"

J.O.E. B.I.D.E.N.

What do you call a group of special ed kids with guns? Special forces.

What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?

Full.

Rape victim: I want to die.

Man: Hang in there.

Rape victim: That's what I'll do, I'll hang myself.