Do jokes
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?
Tie the bungee cord around his neck.
Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
Because they are really good at saving.
What do you call people who jump into the Hoover Dam?
Dam fools.
Q. What type of flour do orphans get?
A. Self-raising flour.
Memes
What do you call an acid with a bad attitude?
A-Mean-O-Acid.
What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?
Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalffeinated.
How do you make Stephen Hawking mad?
You turn off the WiFi router.
What did 50 do when he was hungry?
58.
You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.
But I also think I screwed it up.
Q: What do you call a cranky cow?
A: Moooooooody.
What do tigers wear in the winter?
A striped sweater.
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
What do you call a tall terrorist? Labomb James.
What do you call an African American pilot?
A pilot, you racist bastard!
What do you call a short black person?
By their name, you racist!
A lady runs into a police station and yells, "Help, help! I've been graped!"
A police officer says, "Do you mean raped?"
The girl then replies, "No, there was a bunch of 'em!"
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"
Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"
Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."
Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".
He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"
Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."