Do jokes

What did the cow and bull do for their first date? - Dinner and a Moovie.

"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."

Why is it so easy to bully an orphan? What are they gonna do, tell their mum?

What do you call a Chinese billionaire?

Cha Ching.

One day, I was sitting on my couch watching YouTube when I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door, and to my surprise, it was my dad. I haven't seen him in 16 years, so I let him in. I noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand, and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge.

Then he walked towards me and said, "Oh no! I forgot the cereal!" Then he walked out the door and drove away. I never saw him again.

How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?

By cutting off her fingers.

A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife replies, “Change the damn diaper, you idiot.”

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"

What do you call a funny cow?

A cowmedian.

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?

Quarter pounder with cheese.

Q: Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

A: Because their dad is shopping for the milk.

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

You give them a Sandy Hook.

What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?

A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).

I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.

I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.

A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"

How do you know when your wife is cheating on you?

She comes home with sparkles on her face.

What do you call a physically handicapped heterosexual man that is in a wheelchair and German?

A physically handicapped promiscuous heterosexual man that is German.

How to get quick cash:

Step 1: Kill a child's parents.

Step 2: Do foster care for them.

Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.

What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?

A chicken tender.

How do you name an Asian child?

Ring the doorbell.