Dis jokes

I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.

Your dad's hairline was so long that he died.

"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"

"He died."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."

(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"

The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.

My dog died today. 😥

You're so ugly that I choked and died.

A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.

If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?

Saying a Kobe joke after he died tends to ignite a fire in the people you say it to.

When does an emo get jealous at a phone?

When it dies.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.

She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

I am so depressed! I get jealous when my phone dies.

Bin Laden's relatives died in a plane crash on 8/1! #justice

What did the two towers make after they died? The One World Trade Center.

I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."

My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even care!

Emos get jealous when their phone dies.

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

My grief counselor died the other day.

He was so good at his job, I don't even care.

My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.