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December jokes

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New Year

17 views · imgayforjimmy · 3 years ago

new years be like in my house

The image is a split panel. On the left, the text "Others" is above a blurry image of a crowd celebrating with confetti. On the right, the text "Me" is above a picture of a baby illuminated by the light of a phone in their hands. The words "Same To You" appear multiple times over the baby. Above both images it says "31st December Night".

Snitch

79 views · Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A page from a 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' style book. The text entry from Monday, December, reads, 'Today was fucking dreadful. Me and the boys were just watching porn on the school computers in computer science. Nothing harmful. You know how it goes, though. There's always some bitch across the room, just waiting, dying to ruin the fun.' Below the text is a cartoon drawing of a computer lab. Three boys are at computers. A girl, Patty, points at one boy (Greg) and shouts, 'GREG IS WATCHING PORNOGRAPHY, MR JIZZLE!' Another boy, Greg's friend, yells, 'WHAT THE FUCK?!' The text continues below the drawing: 'The next time I see Patty, I swear to god, that snitch is fucking dead.'

Forklift

5 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A dark image of a penguin with wide eyes and its beak open with the text: "YES, I CAN BE TRUSTED TO USE A 2 TON FORKLIFT. I WILL ABSOLUTELY NOT RAM IT INTO ANY CO-WORKERS ON DECEMBER 16TH 2021."

Phone

3 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

Bill Nye is standing on a beach holding a sign that says: "You can become exempt from No Nut November if you change your phone's calendar to December 1."

Door

6 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A close up of a single eye with a white iris against a black background, looking through a keyhole. The text reads: "The shape shifter staring at my key hole, as he prepares to charge In at the door at full attack, and as I desperately try to prepare and hide and hope that he does not see me. 108.237.328.23 MISSISSIPPI DECEMBER 21, 2036"

Slang

307 views · Heroin Monkey · 11 months ago

A screenshot of a fake definition page for the skull emoji '💀' in slang. The title is 'Skull emoji in slang'. The definition states that the skull emoji in slang is a way to replace 'I'm a slutty Femboy' or 'Please fuck me with your big hard cock', commonly used by Femboys and very Lesbian women. It urges the reader to 'rid this world of "💀" users' and 'report any you find on the internet'. It then repeats '💀💀💀'. Below, it summarizes '💀 Skull emoji in slang meaning "please fuck me" or another scentence along the lines of "I'm a femboy"'. It is attributed 'by 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 December 31, 2022'. Below that are buttons indicating 2539 likes, 342 dislikes, and a flag option.

Asteroid

11 views · Anonymous · 1 year ago

Shitpost-master general

A news headline reads, "An asteroid the size of a small town is headed straight towards India." An illustration shows an asteroid headed toward India from space.

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