Cris jokes

Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”

He responded with, “The cat is dead.”

She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”

“She’s playing on the roof.”

All my jokes are cries for help.

INCLUDING THIS ONE.

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.

The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"

Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.

My depression: hey, what's up!

Me: go away.

My depression: well how rude.

Me: 🙄.

My depression: remember that one time......

Me: no, don't even.

My depression: that we.....

Me: nope.

My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.

Me: 😳😶😟.

My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.

Chuck Norris doesn't turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries.

When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying, I asked her where her parents were. She cried louder. That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage.

Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful fuck just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.

- How did the gay person die? Homicide.

- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.

- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.

- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.

- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.

- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.

I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.

I cried when my dad cut up onions. Onions was a good dog.

I saw this little girl crying. I asked her where her parents were. She cried more, man, I love working at an orphanage.

Any game: "Are you a boy or a girl?"

Non-binary people: *cries*

I cried when my dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.

what's the difference between an onion and a baby?

nobody cries when you cut up the baby.

I cried when my dad was chopping onions. Onions was a good dog.

I saw an orphan in the grocery store and asked him, "Where's your mom?" and he cried. Why?

What is red and cries and spins around and around?

- A baby in a microwave.

I cried while my parents were cutting onions... onions was such a good dog.