Cris jokes

Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."

The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.

The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.

The third lady says, "I never had a husband."

The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."

They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.

The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."

"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"

My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.

A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.

I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.

I asked the orphan why he was crying. He didn't really say anything.

Then I asked where are your parents? He cried more. I love working at the orphanage.

What mountain cries the most?

A mountain under water.

I saw a girl crying. I asked her, "Where are your parents?" She cried as I got kicked out of the orphanage.

What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.

What’s the difference between an onion and a viola?

No one cries when they cut up the viola.

Denki: Hey, Mineta, I have a joke for you.

Mineta: Go on.

Denki: Uraraka's booty.

Mineta: I don't get it.

Denki: Exactly.

Mineta: ^cries T_T^

I saw a kid crying, so I asked them, "Where are your parents?" Then she cried harder, so I left the orphanage.

Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"

"Are you sure?" asks the other.

"I'm positive!"

A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.

He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.

The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.

Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"

I got my daughter a trampoline for her birthday. The ungrateful bitch just sat there in her wheelchair and cried.

Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?

Jack: Bad News first.

Mother: I'm dying!

Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.

Mother: *cries*

Jack was never seen again.

I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.

I cried when Dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.

I bought my son a trampoline. He sat in his wheelchair and cried.

I walked into an orphanage and asked a kid why they were crying.

They said: "Because I lost my parents."

I said: "Let's find them."

They cried harder, so I walked out of the orphanage.

A young orphan boy goes to school for the first time. A bigger boy comes and punches him. He says, "What are you gonna do, cry to your mommy?" The boy cries.

Next morning, he wakes up and comes to school. The same thing happens, but the older boy brings his friends. This time, after he says, "You gonna tell your mom?", the little boy says, "Yes, I will tell them that there is company coming over."

I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.