Crab

Crab Jokes

Charity

Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.

Hahahahahahahaha what a knee slapper!

Mama

Your mama is so nasty.

She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.

Shellfish

What do you call crabs that do not share their food?

They are shellfish! (ノ≧∀≦)ノ

Friend

My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.

It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.

Homicide

"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"

Yo Momma

Yo momma's legs are like cottage cheese: white and chunky.

Yo momma's so dirty that when I asked what was for dinner, she sat on the table, opened her legs, and said "Crabs."

World

you look like a dumb crab. When everyone sees you, the world will end.

Spongebob

"Hey, hey, Spongebob! Water you doing?" [laughs]

"Just looking for all my coins with my metal detector because beach better have my money!" [laughs]

"How much have you found so far?"

"Y'know what, I'm not really shore!" [laughs]

Apple

What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish?

A crab apple!

Seafood

Why should old women never eat seafood?

'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.

Massage

So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.

Cancer

My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.

She was eaten by a giant crab.