What's America's no. 1 class?
Target practice.
How tall does the grass grow in Germany?
Zis high!
What do you call a country who needs another race just to be the best country in sports?
America.
Why doesn’t Pakistan have any football teams?
Every corner they get, they open a shop on it!
On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?
In the beginning of the 20th century, a young girl called Edit left her home country of Sweden and crossed the Ocean to make a new life in America. Unfortunately, it did not go all that well, and she soon found herself homeless, begging for food or money to survive.
She used to occupy a street next to a theater, not because it meant hefty handouts, but because it was a place where no other beggars or police bothered her. Every night, a new crowd came to see a show, and the cute young girl found just enough mercy to survive. In fact, she did so well that she decided to afford herself a small piece of cake every Tuesday, just to keep her spirits up.
One Tuesday, she could not get a break. Looked like she will go without cake this week. Then, a strange-looking gentleman stopped near her. He soon heard her story and decided to share his fortune.
Gentleman: "I work as a magician in the touring show; today, we performed here. Some nights, our guests want to gamble with us afterwards, and I make sure to bring home more than I came with. I try to keep it moderate, but today, this obnoxious drunk was loaded, so I emptied his pockets. Here, take this precious coin."
Roses are red, violets are blue, I’d never play a country song backwards for you!
What do you call the most fucking racist and obnoxious country in the fucking entire fucking omniverse? NORTH AMERICA!
And if you disagree just 'cus you're American, I don't give a fuck, you low life cunts. Plus, if you don't think you're racist, um, hello people? Motherfucking George Floyd!
Why do Americans always win at the shooting Olympics?
Because they train at the best school.
Americans live in the U.S.A. The quiet kids live in the U.Z.I.
There are three states you don't mess with when trying to take over the United States:
Alaska because they have three times more guns than people because of the bears.
Texas because, well, it's Texas. Where else have all of the guns been going?
Lastly, Florida. Florida is the absolute definition of Trigger Happy Redneck.
As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.
So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."
What is the country that is always in a rush? Russia.
You take a plane from Australia. Your mom is American, your dad is British, and your brother (and you) is Canadian (well, because they traveled along many places). You are eating dinner, but you realized you were going to Europe.
You went sleepy, and you forgot your pet named "Strallia." But she could not go anyways, so you had to leave her. When you went to Europe, you were in the "COUNTRY-SIDE."
I couldn't think of anything because you're in the "countryside."
What is the continent that ALWAYS sleeps and sleeps and sleeps and that is so tired that it won’t wake up? Eur-ope.
How did the United States become a country? It broke all of its states.
How do you get a country girl's attention? A tractor.
What is the poorest country in the world?
Poortugal...
You wanna talk Kenya ;)
