Commitment jokes
I got hired by an orphan to commit crimes, so he could become wanted.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Mary."
"Mary who?"
"Marry me!"
What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!
I saw three people online on this site... Hope you guys will commit suicide tonight.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.
I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"
Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"
My mom said she would miss me if I committed suicide, so we made it double.
What is the craziest thing an Indian man does for sex?
Marriage.
Why did orphans want to commit a crime?
Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.
What do you do if your online friend wants to commit suicide? You can't do anything, he's already on line.
There's a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.
I don’t have another talking stage in me. 🤦🏿♂️ Do you squirt, and is your BD dead? 😭
A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."
You wanna hear a joke?
Two Emos hanging out under a tree.
How many Emos does it take to commit suicide? Way too fucking many, because they never get it right the first time!
Whoever says a joke "is not a joke" should go commit bye die.
Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.
Chuck Norris once said that he didn't like the plane he was riding in. Out of sadness, the plane committed suicide. How, you ask? Ask the Twin Towers.
This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.