College

College jokes

Parody

    • Students across America have been spotted playing a parody of the horror game Five Nights at Freddy’s called “7 Hours at Chi Phi”.

    Man

    • What do a track meet and a frat house have in common?

    They both have something getting ran through by eight men while it just sits there.

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    • Farmer

    • I hear Cornell produces very dedicated farmers; they’ll plow a field all night long no matter how much resistance she gives ’em.

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    • Minor

    • Why was Trump banned from music class? He kept putting his finger on D minor.

    What was Clinton encouraged to get in college? A minor.

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    • Yo mama

    • I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"

    Student

    • It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.

    1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.

    "You’re not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet.

    "Yes, I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.

    After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.

    1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.

    "No, you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"

    "No, as a matter of fact, I don’t," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.

    "Do you know who I am?" the student asked again. "No, and I don’t care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.

    "Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.

  • 1

    • Line

    • The average person in 2023 is less straight than the lines my 5th-grade P.E. teacher walked in college.

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    • PSG

    • I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.

    My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!

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    • Sibling

    • I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.

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    • Minor

    • Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.

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    • School

    • There were 30 high school seniors taking finals, and once they finished, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, walked up and down the classroom to collect the tests, and asked, "So, are you guys ready for college?" And Brian answered, "No way. School is just a waste of time, every day taking *seven cruel hours of our lives*." Angela replied, "Never! Like Brian said, school is just a waste of time, and the next level is surely not worth paying $50,000 for. Besides, math class is *mental abuse to humans*!" And Jack said, "School has been a waste of so much time I'll never get back, and after these *finals* I've realized... *fuck, I never actually learned shit*!"

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