Catholic jokes
I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.
What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?
Little boys' pants half off.
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.
Kevin McClean
What do you call a retarded Catholic?
Asperges.
How do you kill a Catholic?
Crucify them...
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne doesn't cum on a kid's face 'til they're 13 or 14.
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
What do fat demons hate? Exorcise.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin mobile.
I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."
I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
How do you make holy water?
You take normal water and boil the hell out of it.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.