Catholic jokes
I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.
Who would win?
The laws of the Catholic Church which have been effective for over 900 years,
Or one horny Henry?
I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.
What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?
Little boys' pants half off.
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.
Kevin McClean
What do you call a retarded Catholic?
Asperges.
How do you kill a Catholic?
Crucify them...
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne doesn't cum on a kid's face 'til they're 13 or 14.
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
What do fat demons hate? Exorcise.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin mobile.
I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."
I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
How do you make holy water?
You take normal water and boil the hell out of it.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.