Catch jokes
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."
The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."
The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.
What did the North tower say to the south tower? "Sorry, can't talk, got to catch a plane."
Why can't orphans play catch?
Because they don't have parents to catch the ball.
Girls are like a bus; you might miss the first bus and catch the second bus.
A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."
What makes suicide illegal?
Getting caught.
The boy ran into the gym, why?
Because he wanted to ketch-up with everyone. Also, he got pun-ishment from his "momster."
Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?
A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.
Who’s the hottest girl in the world?
Babe Ruth cuz she catches the sun.
What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
I tried to catch air once... I mist.
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.
Why are colds such bad robbers?
Because they're so easy to catch.
Chuck Norris catches Pokémon with his bare hands.