Card Game jokes
Why are orphans so bad at playing poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said, "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today, so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."
The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The Angel thanked Dolly and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth, the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever, and flushed it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."
Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations, and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode, and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?"
"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."
Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.
Why shouldn’t you play cards in Africa?
'Cause there’s too many cheetahs.
Why can't Mexicans play Uno?
Because they take all the green cards.
Why does the Queen play poker on the toilet?
Because she always gets a Royal flush!
What is a photographer's favorite card game?
SNAP!
Why did the ion always lose at Go Fish?
Because he was playing with a cheetah!
Why can't pirates play cards in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
Why can't orphans play poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
Why can't Mexicans play Uno?
Because they can't get a green card.
Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.
Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"
Why didn't the pirate want to play cards?
Because he was standing on the deck!
Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.
Boy: Your dick is so small, oh wait, you don't have one.
Older boy: UNO reverse card!
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Why can’t an orphan play games with a full house in them? Because they don’t know what a full house is.
Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off.