Cant jokes
What can a gay man not be, but a heterosexual female that is a whore can be if a heterosexual male gives her enough money? 💸
cock teaser
"911, I just crashed my car. I think it's burning. I can't see. It hurts to breathe."
"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"
*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*
Why are Chinese so good at jaywalking? Cause they can't tell the difference between green and red light with their tiny eyes.
Why can’t Hitler do track?
He can’t even finish a race.
"G.I. Jane 2, can't wait to see it!"
Why can't emos stand in chairs?
Because they never get down.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can’t hit a home run.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is. :)
Yo mama so fat, she can’t even fit in the living room!
Why can't Hitler join track?
Because he can't even finish a race.
Chris Rock: Jada, I can't wait to see you in G.I. Jane 2!
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song starts playing:
Will: "I got in one lil' fight about my wife's lost hair, she said, 'Will, if you don't do something I'm gonna have an affair!'" 😂😂😂
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they can’t find home plate.
Why can't an emo person be in charge of sky diving?
He won't deploy the parachute.
Why do orphans hate hide n seek?
'Cause they can't find their parents.
Jesus can’t judge gay people, because he got nailed before he died.
Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."
So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.
Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."
Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.