You can sink the Titanic like you can drive a bike. Not a joke.
Helllo. What can I get you a knife mustard Marella gorilla
A penguin and a polar bear are sitting in a bathtub. The penguin asks the polar bear,"hey, can you pass the soap?" The polar bear obliges. A few moments later, the penguin asks,"hey, can you pass the scrubber?" The polar bear does. Shortly after that, the penguin says,"hey, can you pass the rubber ducky."
The polar bear, beginning to become upset, turns to the penguin and says,"What do you think I am? a radio?!?"
i’m start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me “how are you?” i can say “sad” and toss the confetti everywhere it’ll be like a real life imessage
after standing in line staring at mcdonalds menu for 17 minutes] me: ok im ready. can you help me not be sad all the time
Whoever has my voodoo doll, can u just finish me off already
OnlyFans but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea. Only Cans
can we stop talking about 9/11 my dad died man but he was a good pilot
Me: GUYS GUYS I CAN STOP 9/11 My friend: how? Justin: Justin!
ok class who can tell me who the fastest readers are
the pilots of 9/11 went there 6 in 3 seconds
A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"
How many dicks can fit inside of a hooker? I don't know ask your wife
Is that a mirror in your pants cause I can see myself inside them
Autoerotic asphyxiation because hanging in there can be hard
Suicide isn't funny but you can spice it up by wearing a fun hat
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad. The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here.
The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him "Don't skip leg day."
Why are 9/11 victims so good at reading.Because they can go through 100 stories in 5 minutes.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!
Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to the how we talk to other guys like when they say can I borrow a pencil you say you can borrow this hard wood dick
