Brad jokes
Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."
What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?
2 slices of Brad.
Kiwi loves Brad.
Angelina Jolie was married to Brad Pitt...
Does that make her a "Brad Nailer", and him a "Jolie Jumper"?
A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"
His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."
So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"
She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"
The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"
"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.
The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.
"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."
Community
Hello. I’m the owner of Tesla, SpaceX, The Boring Company, and a lot more. I’m also the owner of Twitter. I’m also the soon-to-be ruler of Mars. I’m the smartest person in the world, and I’m also a real-life Tony Stark. And, by far, the most handsome man alive. At least 20x better looking than Brad Pitt or George Clooney. And at least 500x better looking than Leonardo DiCaprio. All that being said... I still wish I w… Read more
WHAT A FUCKING DAY. I GOT INTO A FIGHT BECAUSE THIS ASSHOLE WAS BEATING UP AN AUTISTIC KID. SO I GOT PISSED AND WENT UP TO HIM THEN THREW A LEFT HOOK TO THE SIDE OF THE JAW. THEN A RIGHT. THEN AFTER A MINUTE , HE WAS BLEEDING ON THE FLOOR. ( AS I REMIND YOU IM IN DAEP. AKA ALTERNATIVE SCHOOL FOR BEHAVIOR AND SHIT) SO IM THERE ON TOP OF THE BITCH STILL HITTING HIM WHEN ONE OF HIS FREINDS ATTACK ME. SO I GRABBED HIS LE… Read more
She put him out Like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette She broke his heart He spent his whole life tryin' to forget We watched him drink his pain away A little at a time But he never could get drunk enough To get her off his mind Until the night
[Chorus: Brad Paisley & Alison Krauss ] He put that bottle to his head And pulled the trigger And finally drank away her memory Life is short, but this time it was bigger Than the strength he had to get up off his knees We found him with his face down in the pillow With a note that said, "I'll love her 'til I die" And when we buried him beneath the willow The Angels sang a whiskey lullaby