Both jokes

What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.

He never has a bad day because he wakes up on both sides of the bed.

He never has a bad day because he always wakes up on both sides of the bed.

What does a bullet and milk have in common? They both take out your dad.

Why is a deck of cards similar to a miniature pony?

They are both jokers.

One twin tower had a girlfriend. The other twin tower had the same girlfriend, so they both went down.

I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.

What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?

They're both dangerous to children.

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."

Dark humor and women are very similar...

Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.

How are boobs and toys similar?

Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.

What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.

What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?

They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.

What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.

What is the difference between a guy with cancer and the Twin Towers?

Nothing, they both fell.

What does Fortnite and real life have in common?

They both lost their tower.

Bullying orphans is like bullying the homeless kid; both cry when you make fun of their parents.

What do Madeline McCann and a submarine have in common?

Both are at the bottom of the ocean full of seamen!

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and your parents?

Nothing. They are both just memories.