Both jokes

What did one aborted baby say to the other? Nothing. They're both dead.

What do Bob Ross's painting and the orphanage have in common?

They're both filled with happy little accidents.

What do emo boys and emo girls have in common? They both wanna die and cut so they can die faster, but they are already dead, already dead to me!

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

The Bible said, "Adam and Eve..." So I did both.

2 weeks here.

What do dicks and popsicles have in common?

They both like to be sucked on, and they sometimes choke you.

What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel Sutherland’s wrist?

Nothing, they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades.

What do KFC and a brothel have in common?

They’re both full of greasy chicks.

What’s the difference between women and condoms?

There isn’t a difference; they’re both throw aways.

What do orphans and Spider-Man have in common?

They both have no way home.

What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?

They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.

What do orphans and olden day actors have in common?

Both get food thrown at them some of the time.

A leaf and an emo are both falling from a tree.

Which one hits the ground first?

The leaf, the emo got caught by a rope.

What do Miss Reeves and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both have a touchy feeling for kids.

What's the difference between a drill and a priest?

Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!

That joke and paper have one thing in common: they're both tearable.

Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.

The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.

The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"

The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”

A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.

So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."

What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?

They both worry about how she will turn out!

One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).

My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.

Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.