A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide” The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”
How did Hellen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball as told her to “read this book”.
Me: I finished a book with 100 pages Someone else: How was it? Me: It's a long story
my junk was in the book of world records until i got kicked out of the library
What do planets like to read? Comet books!
what's the most unrealistic part of harry potter??????...
a ginger with friends
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature -- Tequila Mockingbird
Stormtrooper: What should I do about my overdue library book?
Palpatine: Renew it!
This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian says f*** no you won’t return it
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read
What do you call a hot Mac Book Pro? A Mac Daddy Pro
A woman walk into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The librarian says "They're right behind you!"
Did you hear about the book about gravity? I couldn’t put it down
Do you want to book about gravity? I couldn’t put it down
One day I came home from school and said to my dad 'I got expelled from school today' he said ' how' I said I threw my book at the teacher' he asked why' I told him we were doing an anti-bullying program and my teacher said words can't hurt me so I threw my dictionary at her. '
Getting a book on pasta? Yes. Just imagine the pastabillites there are!
The person to make the first cannabinol cook book had a wife and ate (eight) children
I just got a job at the prison library. It has its prose and cons.
If I was an object in this world I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I'm a star! Because one of these days I'm going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.
If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it's dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I'm like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I'm like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I'm like a shity book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety
Help me....
Why did Johnny not like the audiobook he got for his birthday?
Johnny was deaf.
