Baseball jokes
Baseball ⚾️ is fun.
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They have no home to run to.
Get it?
I tried making an orphan baseball team. It sucked because they couldn’t find home plate.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can't find home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
Why shouldn't you let a Chinese person play baseball?
'Cause they'll eat the bat!
why was the bad baseball player so good at bowling?
He kept making strikes.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
How is baseball like cake?
They both need batters.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.
Why can't an orphan ever play baseball?
Because they never found home.
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet.
One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes, it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy asks. “No thanks,” the man replies. “I think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues. “OK. How much?” the man replies, after considering the position he was in. “Twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies. “TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!” the man repeats. “That’s awful expensive,” but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy. “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” the boy starts off. “Yes, it is,” replies the man. “Wanna buy a baseball glove?” the little boy asks. “OK. How much?” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. “Fifty dollars,” the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy’s father says, “Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we’ll play some catch.” “I can’t. I sold them,” replies the little boy. “How much did you get for them?” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. “Seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That’s thievery! I’m taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Don’t you start that crap in here,” the priest says.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why can't orphans play softball?
Because they don't know where home base is.
I met a baseball player, so I told him to make a home run, and he just looked at me with sadness. I don't know why.
By the way, he was an orphan.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.