Are jokes

You know you are from China when you use rice instead of glue.

Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.

Yo, Leo, are you an interior decorator? Because when you enter a room, it becomes EMPTY!

What does Yoda say when he’s at the strip club?

"Dirty bitch, you are."

Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.

What does a priest and Christmas tree have in common? The balls are just for decoration.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, two of them are for you.

If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

When you are being spoon-fed and your mum says, "Here comes the airplane."

How to cure boredom:

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Tyler is ugly.

If you are called Tyler, change your name.

Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?

Me: I Excel at it.

Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?

Me: Word.

So things are just too tiring to sort out... like which adoption center you should send your son to?

Mom, where are we going?

To your grandma's funeral.

Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

"If we don't get some support soon, people will start to think we are balls."

Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born pretty, what happened to you?

*gets hit by a car*

Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"

Me: "Please...I need my...phone."

*opens twitter*

Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"

Your mum is so fat, all her relationships are long distance.

Are you the Twin Towers? 'Cause you sure upgraded.

Why are Elmo’s jealous of lights?

Lights are hanging.