Appearance jokes

You're so clapped that you make Susan Boyle attractive.

Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.

Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.

That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )

You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like one!

You're so bald, the reflection off your head is blinding people in India.

You're so bald, Bob Hope would refer to you as "grandpa."

You're so bald, United Airlines has asked for permission to land.

You're so bald, the Hair Club for Men has elected you president.

You're so bald that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken condom.

You're so bald, I rub your head to see into the future.

You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like roll-on deodorant!

You're so bald, I can see what's on your mind.

Your hairline is so deep people can see what you're thinking.

Your forehead is so big you have to wear a hoodie for the Rock to see your ego because your forehead is so big.

You're so bent and ugly that you'd make Elton John go straight!

You want an insult? Right, look at the mirror.

Wife: "Honey? What do you think about my teeth?"

Husband: "They remind me of stars... yellow and far apart."

She's so ugly, she has to sneak up on a mirror.

You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.

You are so ugly, when you looked in the mirror your reflection walked away.

Beauty is only skin deep... but ugly goes all the way to the bone!