Yo mama is so ugly, she gave Michael Myers nightmares.
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump's wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes but he wasn't really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump's friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump's friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, "Aww, I'm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!"
Did you fall from heaven? Because you really did a damage on your face.
My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"
I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"
She said, "Why?"
I said, "'Cause it's your twin."
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
Yo mama so ugly that when she was born, the doctor looked at her face, then at her butt and said, "Twins!"
What do you call a fat Chinese man?
A double chinkey.
What are you going to have for a face when the baboon wants its butt back?
Donald Trump announced he will run for prez today. His hair will on Friday.
KimJongUn thicc af
Yo momma so short... You can see her feet on her driver's license photo!
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she goes to the photographer, he shoots himself.
Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
