i don’t trust anyone who doesn’t feel like screaming
I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled "dose anyone know CPR" i said "i know the whole alphabet"everyone laughed and laughed well everyone except one.
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet” and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.
have anyone seen my balls i cant find them on my chest hey! my balls are on your thing
Has anyone alive ever died?
Is this our eternal life?
What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
Read more: 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
Why is death taken so lightly? Because anyone can take it.
I always keep anti fungal spray with me....coz I don't want to share my gf with anyone
I now know what my first tattoo should be, zebra stripes! Not like anyone would know the difference between them.
I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes. My teacher turns to the class and asks “If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?” So I raised my hand and said “Asians have small penis” he looked at me and said “very good. But I was looking for a definition.
Today i find out that my cat got hit by a car accident, wellp i guess im gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again, Its not like anyone will notice.
Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's been an odd one this year as some of you know, my father suddenly passed away on my birthday last year and anyone who knew the old man knew he had a sledgehammer wit!
Good on ya dad ya definitely got the last laugh!
Anyone can do a Michael Jackson impression all you need is a small boy who can keep a secret.
Little Johnny got told by his friend that if you go to your parents and say : I know the truth they give you money so little Johnny says to his mum I know the truth so his mum hands him 20 dollars and tells him not to tell anyone so when little Johnny’s dad gets home little Johnny says I know the truth his dad hands him $50 and says not to tell anyone so little Johnny try’s it on the post man and says I know the truth and the post man says come here son
Just cause I’m gay doesn’t mean I want you. I’m shocked anyone would
After long consideration, I’ve decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.
Anyone want to fuck? Cause my sisters are such cunts!
I know this is supposed to be emo joke but anyone wan't to play Rocket League? I'm on Ps4 by the way! My Name: Box3d_by_Clapped
As a fellow emo i find these very rude and disrespectful plz take off or i tell mom.
Also, if anyone knows any high bridges nearby please tell me (I'm asking for a friend)
P.S. I have no friends
anyone up for some fortnite?
