And jokes

What is the difference between Obama and Osama?

Osama didn't kill innocent civilians with missile strikes.

I once masturbated in the bathroom.

I was looking for something, for a little help.

Looked in the wardrobe and found something perfect.

I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.

Your mama is so stupid.

Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."

"Do you want to hear a joke?"

"Yes."

"Okay, record yourself and then listen to it!"

Kobe is a legend and is nothing to joke about. Wait till you crash and burn!

You was reaching into you’re backpack and the whole class jumped through the window.

One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...

I see my friends at school. They talk to me, they go back to class, but they forgot I am their classmate, and they were like, "You're a dumbie." And I was, "Well, you're a dumbass, bi***!"

Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!

I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏

How are baseball and an orphan different?

A baseball game you can do a home run.

Why drink water and not bleach?

MU, I love your joke, but I cut myself a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheesecake, and anything else I can find.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I need your peach, and I'll torture you with a speech.

When Hitler killed himself, he shot himself twice. The first one was Operation Barbarossa, and the second one was his death.

Well, you know what they say, time flies when you're just a ball of anxiety and stress. :D

If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?

The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.

Yo momma so fat that it was hard to find the G spot and slip her one at night.