And jokes

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."

Me and my life.

I was in my guitar class and my strings were dead, and then I realized they were more dead than George Bush on November 30, 2018.

A bowman walked into a throne room, and he bowed to him.

When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:

"Enjoy the little things."

What is the difference between an emo and a normal person?

An emo slits.

Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.

What Happens When You Get Caught On Fire?

— You Lost To Slmebody When You Were Playing Hide And Seek, And The Place Where You Got Caught Was Exactly On A Patch Of Fire.

Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.

The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"

Stephen Hawking died because he did a wheelie and unplugged his charger.

Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-

Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.

A guy walks up to me and says, "I wonder if the hookman is real?"

I reply saying, "Yeah, it's Asa Hutchinson, lol."

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

You know what should give up and stay dead?

Fortnite.

Does anybody know the similarities between a Rubik's cube and a penis?

I don't know the whole answer, but I do know that the more you play with it, the harder it gets.

There was once a boy who took a selfie, and the next day became an orphan.

Knock knock. Who's there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my Halloween candy and now it's stuck in my throat!

Colder than the conversation between a fat guy and a Super Model...

When you're sitting by the mushrooms and you hear one say to the other "Hey, you're a fun guy."

I have special needs, and I was born with it.