And jokes

I love my dog and all dogs.

What is an orphan's favorite toy? A mom and dad action figure.

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?

Kids won't eat the broccoli.

What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?

One won't scream when you remove their meat.

Rocks rock and crack!

She does not wanna fuck you, and she don’t need you clapping them cheeks.

What goes up and down and does not move?

Stairs.

While I was walking on the road, a cat crossed my road, and 5 min later I found it fell in the gutter.

What's a similarity between Harvey Weinstein's pants and American bombs?

They both drop unannounced and leave mass casualties.

Dating a girl and studying mathematics, both give a headache.

A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.

The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"

A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.

A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,

Librarian: What are you looking for?

Man: I am looking for a book!

Librarian: Which book?

Man: Facebook.

Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."

How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?

Enough to kill two and a half men.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They gave her a cheese grater and told her it was a book.

What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?

A dead person does not walkie or talkie.

What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?

"Do you want the cameras on or off?"

What is the difference between me and Paul Walker?

I’ve watched Fast and Furious Seven.

A riddle: My enemy is the Joker, I'm black and I help to save Gotham City. Who am I?