And jokes

Why is it okay to stab meat, but I can't stab myself? These woke lefties, BLM, Antifa, feminists, eco-warriors, pro-vaccine libtards are stopping your freedom and right to stab yourself!

What is the difference between emo grass and normal grass?

Emo grass cuts itself.

What is big, round, and gassy? Uranus.

What turns green, purple, and white? A chameleon.

I was an orphan as a kid, and I'm pretty sure my favorite thing was seeing parents with their kids.

I think we know why.

I called a suicide hotline in Iraq... They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.

Why don’t orphans play the game of hide-and-seek?

They won’t be found because no one will look for them.

I'm having lunch on the roof of the Twin Towers, and the biggest plane I've ever seen is flying toward...

What is the difference between a priest and a zit?

The zit waits until you're twelve to come on your face.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

You can hang the picture with one nail.

Knock knock, who's there? God.

God who? NO, you idiot, there is no God. I am your father and you have locked me out of my own house!

I went to the store the other day and scanned an emo's arm.

It gave me a discount!

I feel sad because I went to an old man in a wheelchair while he was sitting next to a fire, and I screamed, "Hot Wheels!" 🤣

I got my daughter a trampoline for her birthday. The ungrateful bitch just sat there in her wheelchair and cried.

What’s the difference between a bank vault and you aunt's anus?

The owner of bank vaults don’t force you to penetrate it.

The second coming came and went. Jesus believed he was a Christian; therefore, he could never be himself.

So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.

My dad starts laughing at me.

Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”

Me: “Why dad?”

Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”

What do gay guys and priests have in common?

They are both gay in their own ways.

What’s the difference between a robber and an orphan?

One is wanted.