And jokes

What’s the difference between a Rubik's cube and a penis? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.

What is white and 9 inches?

Nothing.

If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.

My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"

Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.

I pushed an orphan and they said, "I'm telling!" I asked, "Telling who? Your parents?"

What do you call a kid with an eyepatch and no arms or legs? Names.

Luigi and Daisy are actually Aussie! How?

They wear GREEN and GOLD! The Aussie Colors!

An orphan once said, "I will call my mum and go home."

A homeless kid once said he will go home.

Here’s one for the Aussies: What’s the difference between an echidna and a police car? All the pricks are on the inside.

I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.

I was about to run and tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden...

What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!

How did 10 die?

Because it was in between 9 and 11.

What's the similarity between gay men and an ambulance?

They both take it in the back and go woop woop.

Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.

It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.

You think on a airplane when a muslim guy gets on, people look at him and think... "Aw, fuck."

Why are kids so skinny?

Parents eat all the food themselves, and let the kids starve.

What do emos and guys with a durag have in common? They both have waves, just one is on their arm.

How do you see the difference between a cow and a bull? It’s either one or the udder.