And jokes
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?
They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
Memes
What is the difference between white people and coal?
It’s bad for the environment to burn coal.
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
What’s the difference between weed and pussy?
If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
Tons of people committed suicide on 9/11 by destroying government property.
Not to mention and by plane.
What is the difference between Kanye and Hitler?
Hitler knew when his career was over.
What is the difference between Black people and coal?
It’s bad for the environment to burn coal.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
Where can a gay male that is abled bodied find the location of a glory hole if he is looking for a free and anonymous blowjob from another gay male?
From a physically disabled gay male who is either at the gym 💪 💪 🏋️♂️ or at the rest area ♿️ 🚹 🚽.
What if Game of Thrones and Harry Potter antagonism had a child?
Coldemort!
I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.
I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.
What do a male pornstar and an emo have in common?
They are both hung.
Yo mama is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches sofa.
What do British politics and transgender people have in common?
Both aren't what they used to be...