And jokes

When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple gets picked.

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.

One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.

When it's April Fool's Day, go to an orphan and say, "Their parents should come back!"

Why did the grandmother put wheels on her rocking chair?

... she likes to rock and roll lol.

I'm not a chef, but boy, are these days getting harder and harder to get through.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

One of them gets picked.

I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.

I figured I would steel it and put it on this site. I mean, it was either that, or lose it forever.

What do you get when you cross a shark and a snowman?

Frostbite!

What do you call an egg murder?

An eggs-terminator!

Q. There were two sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named?

A. Denephew.

Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!

The American Dream is real. It's just set and filmed in Toronto and not Texas.

What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?

They both kidnap Canadian women!

I have an announcement, Shadow the Hedgehog is a bitch ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife and he said he dick was this big and I said that's disgusting, so I'm making a callout post on my twitter dot com. Shadow, u got a small dick it looks like this walnut except way smaller.

I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.

Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"