And jokes

When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, grabbed her thigh, and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a daughter.

Haha, I fucked you over!

"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.

What's the difference between Harry Potter and Anne Frank?

Harry made it out of the chamber.

John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.

Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"

John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"

What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?

One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hankery panky.

Silly Jill forgot her pill,

And now there's little Frankey.

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

Why was the orphan so successful?

Because people always said, "Go big or go home," and he only had one option. 😂🤣

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

What goes in dry and comes out wet and has white stuff at the end?

Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.

How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

What do Michael Jackson and Linus have in common? They both carry a little blanket.

My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.

What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."

I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.

My wife said I had no sense of direction... so I packed my sh*t and left.