And jokes
What's the difference between a submarine and Madeline McCann?
They are both full of seamen and at the bottom of the sea.
What's yellow and can't swim? A school bus full of orphans.
Lol, this joke may not be funny, but what do you call your mom fat and emo?
What should I write a joke about? Name the subject, and I’ll make a joke about it.
If someone's debating the speed of light and a drunk Russian, the Russian would take speed to grab a falling wallet.
Memes
What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real Jesus? It only takes 1 nail to hang the picture.
In my science class we were watching a video, and for no reason at all, it started talking about Black Lives Matter, and my friend leaned over and whispered, “White lives matter more!”
Wife: "Honey? What do you think about my teeth?"
Husband: "They remind me of stars... yellow and far apart."
What do a Rubik's cube and a dick have in common? The more you play with them, the harder they get.
I used to have an imaginary friend who I could talk to, and he could grant me wishes and stuff... and then I stopped going to church.
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a can of Spam?
After 6 months in the woods, you'll still eat the can of Spam.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no balls?
Still no fucking idea.
What do your underwear and the Starship Enterprise have in common?
They are both concerned about “Klingons near your anus”.
What's the difference between a dick and a rock?
One's hard.
A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.
They should have ducked.
A kid and a man are walking into a forest at night.
Kid: "Mr., it's getting dark. I'm scared!"
Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
Don't hate life, love it because when you want to live and try again in life, it's already too late. :(
Jayfeather walks across the street, sees glass smash, runs down the street, and there lies a body... What?
Guys, my girlfriend calls me: "911, help! There’s a strange man in my room and I think he’s on drugs!"
She’s so nice.
To RANDYYYY,
Hi Randy, this is ALYA. I don't want to fight with you. If you're an orphan and you do know about your past, you probably get sad, right? Well, these jokes just bring up the bad times for me.
-ALYA with love