And jokes
What do you call a person with nobody and no nose?
When you ask the cashiers for the specials menu, and they bring out the autistic kid, blind kid, and Down syndrome kid.
Why is 10 always afraid?
Because it is between 9 and 11.
My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"
What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?
They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.
What's the difference between a shopping bag and Michael Jackson?
One is white, made of plastic, and dangerous for children. The other is for groceries.
What do blind people and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
What's the difference between a broken shovel and a young child?
The shovel doesn't cry when you swing it into a wall repeatedly.
An innocent boy is reading through his father’s phone, looking at the messages and trying to learn things about his family from them. He saw a message asking for something which seemed strange, but ultimately the boy decided to surprise his father with what it said.
“Timmy, why are there thirty-five cats in the living room?” shouted the father.
“I was only supplying what you wanted from Mother!” replied the boy.
There’s a noticeable difference between using polish to remove grease and using Polish to remove Greece.
Q. If a pedophile, necrophile, and a guy who is into incest are all sitting in a car, who's driving?
A. A police officer.
Did you hear about the pervert who couldn't decide whether he was into incest or necrophilia?
He killed his mom and then fucked her.
What's the difference between Christian theocrats and Islamic fundamentalists?
Presentation.
Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.
Q. What's the difference between an Alzheimer's patient and a tomato? A. A tomato isn't a vegetable.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
I was going to charge my phone, so I pulled a plug and put it in. Then, my grandpa wasn't breathing anymore.
If Huggy and Kissy ever had a kid, they would have a good lunch. *evil laugh* 😈
When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'
My mother didn't want me to love my sister. That made me angry. But then, one day I found this quote: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Since that day, I fuck my sister hard and my MOM harder!