Affairs jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because she wanted to have an affair with the rooster.

What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?

Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.

Russia—the real joke.

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

Sister: (moaning) Go get Mom, she'd love this!

Me: But Billy's with her right now.

Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM

Dad: Hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment.

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.

One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son.

Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

"Yes it is," the man replies.

"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.

"No thanks," the man replies.

"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.

"OK. How much?" the man replies, after considering the position he was in.

"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.

"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive," but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.

The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy.

"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.

"Yes it is," replies the man.

"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.

"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.

"Fifty dollars," the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.

The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."

"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.

"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.

"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.

"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.

At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

"Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.

My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because his wife changed the WiFi password, because he was having an affair with his shoulder.

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?

She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!

Our Human Services Minister is just mad because his wife cheated on him 20 years ago.

With their brother.

Why do so many people hate Bill Cosby? I mean, all he did was have affairs with drunk, attention-seeking women. They literally begged for it.

Father: "I don't trust you. You poured your seed in my daughter's belly."

Son: "But Paah, you can't fire me."

Father: "You're lucky you're my brother too, or I'd kill you."

Hickory dickory dock. My wife avoids my cock. She's losing her and having an affair. So I had to slap Chris Rock.