Accuracy jokes

I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.

I am right 95 percent of the time, who cares about that other 5 percent?

Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?

Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.

As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.

What if your Corona test is neutral?

I bought a rainbow gun, but for some reason it doesn’t shoot straight.

Me: Cobain!

Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.

Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.

My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

If you take a shot, a paper wad, in the trashcan, and call "Kobe!" but miss, it's still a Kobe.

Kobe missed a lot of shots, but he sure didn’t miss the mountain.

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where's Trump's clock?"

"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.

What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?

A clock.

My wife still misses me...

But her aim is getting better!

A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."

He couldn't shoot straight.

I got in an argument with the 90-degree angle. And guess what? It was right!

Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.

I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

Even Steph Curry can't hit threes from behind your hairline.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.