Accuracy jokes
I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.
I am right 95 percent of the time, who cares about that other 5 percent?
Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?
Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.
As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.
What if your Corona test is neutral?
I bought a rainbow gun, but for some reason it doesn鈥檛 shoot straight.
Low quality
Me: Cobain!
Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.
Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I鈥檓 so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
If you take a shot, a paper wad, in the trashcan, and call "Kobe!" but miss, it's still a Kobe.
Kobe missed a lot of shots, but he sure didn鈥檛 miss the mountain.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
My wife still misses me...
But her aim is getting better!
A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."
He couldn't shoot straight.
I got in an argument with the 90-degree angle. And guess what? It was right!
I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.
Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
If a man says you鈥檙e ugly, he likes you.
If a woman says you鈥檙e ugly, she鈥檚 just jealous.
If a child says you鈥檙e ugly, well, you鈥檙e ugly.
No one has the right to look down on others unless you're perfect, and looking down on others is not perfect either.
It's just true.
English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.