Accuracy jokes
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
I got in an argument with the 90-degree angle. And guess what? It was right!
Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?
Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.
What if your Corona test is neutral?
A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."
He couldn't shoot straight.
I bought a rainbow gun, but for some reason it doesn’t shoot straight.
Kobe missed a lot of shots, but he sure didn’t miss the mountain.
If you take a shot, a paper wad, in the trashcan, and call "Kobe!" but miss, it's still a Kobe.
I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.
As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.
Me: Cobain!
Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.
Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
My wife still misses me...
But her aim is getting better!
I am right 95 percent of the time, who cares about that other 5 percent?
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!