[concert] SINGER: hows everyone doin tonight CROWD: woo ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): it's actually been a tough few months
Sad Sarah
The world burned me so i'll watch the world burn
i'm great!! i'm good i'm doing good hahaha. i mean "well" haha! haha i'm doing well, not good! haha i'm not doing good! im not doing so good
Whoever has my voodoo doll, can u just finish me off already
all i wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise* unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self
Therapy -Expensive -Years of hard work -Emotionaly draining -Tough to find
Screaming in the woods -Free -Immediate relief -Scares hunters enough to leave therefore saving innocent animals -Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods
therapist: and what is it about this generation that bothers you?
satan: i give them the intro tour and they just say shit like “ooo spooky lol”
therapist: that's not so bad
satan: when i showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said “big mood”
ME: And this is the room I cry in DATE: You've said that about every room ME: Correct
i don’t trust anyone who doesn’t feel like screaming
drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Beat it. We’re closed
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Why is Putin and Zelensky neighbors? Apparently a big dick needs a great set of balls next to it.
Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body. I gave her a shoulder to crayon
What do you call a sad porno? A tear jerker
What does a sad cowboy and a supernatural fan have in common? both want to put a winchester in their mouth
A woman was sitting alone at a bar and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sadly. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.
The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks they decided to go back to her place.
When they arrived she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time she burst open her bedroom door and she said, "I hope you're ready!"
She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand and a 12 inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.
The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"
She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."
The dude replied, "While you were in there I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants and came on your curtains. It's been fun!
What did the tomato say to the sad pickle? "What's the big dill?
A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.
"My paternal uncle died three months ago."
"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My maternal uncle died two months ago."
"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My father died last month."
"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"
My buddy and I both wanted to marry a woman who happened to be an amputee. Sadly my buddy won her heart But I got her leg
Why did the math book look so sad? Because it has many problems.