What kind of food does a lesbian love? Anything they can eat out.
Sad Sarah
The world burned me so i'll watch the world burn
You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts; this ain’t no ordinary blow job.
. Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands. (I love this joke because it never grows old.)
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”
Having sex in an elevator is wrong. On so many levels
Why is sex like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
What does one boob say to the other boob
If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?
Thanks for coming!
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
i’m all panic and no disco
my two moods are “i can’t believe i get to be a person” and “i can’t believe i have to be a person”
i’m start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me “how are you?” i can say “sad” and toss the confetti everywhere it’ll be like a real life imessage
how many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression
For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.
me: i have depression
someone: u should get out more! go outside
me: *goes to the beach* now its a tropical depression
Me: "WYD"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot, depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough"
Me: "Without me? Lol
I forgot you cant make depression jokes outside of twitter lmao my coworker was like “you ready for this year to be over?” I was like “im ready for this life to be over” he was like bro what
after standing in line staring at mcdonalds menu for 17 minutes] me: ok im ready. can you help me not be sad all the time