welcome to hell
I like video games, books, and writing. (Drawing too I guess) I’m simple. I’m quiet. I have a lot of jokes to tell. And I fucking love to call people names.
Me: Hey, were you born on a highway?
My enemy: Uh, no, why?
Me: Because that’s where most accidents happen.
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
Me: Hey! Look at my drawing of deez!
My babysitter: Very nice! But, uh, what’s deez?
Me: (¬‿¬)
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
Why can’t dinosaurs clap? Cuz they are all dead.
When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!
How'd the skeleton know it was going to rain? He looked at the weather forecast.
What is it called when a cop hides under his bed? Going undercover.
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomach?
My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”
Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”
I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏
Where is the best place to eat tacos?
In the Gulp of Mexico.
What do you call someone who’s afraid of breaststroke? Chicken breast.
My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!
What’s a 5 letter word that starts with a ‘P’ that girls love to get their hands on? 😏
My enemy likes to act like he’s stupid sometimes, and so once he asked me what a sin was, and I responded with, “you.”
I found two of the same Lego Duplo sets, so I called ‘em “Duplocates.”