FlowpenDrinksMustard

What do you call someone who’s afraid of breastroke? Chicken breast

My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities.

What’s a 5 letter word that starts with a ‘P’ that girls love to get their hands on? 😏

My enemy likes to act like he’s stupid sometimes, and so once he asked me what a sin was, and I responded with, “you.”

I found two of the same Lego Duplo sets, so I called ‘em Duplocates

Q: What kinda bees give milk? A: Boobees

The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was ur mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

These two guys were txting each other.

Guy 1: How r u?

Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*

Guy 1: ???

Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)

Didja hear about that one guy who dipped his balls in paint? My friend said they were “Pretty nuts!”

I lost my job at the bank. Some lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her.

Why couldn’t the bike stand up? Cuz it was too tired.

I started crying when dad started cutting onions. Onions was a good dog.

Orphans eat their cereal with water cause their dad never came back with the milk.

My friend: Hey, why u always smiling? Me:Cuz life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.

Ur forehead’s so big that I was tryna figure out if that was you or the moon.

My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop, it went a little bit like this:

Me; dude, leave her alone. Him; beat it b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me; ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis Him; *walks away*