yo mamma so fat when God said let there be light he was just asking her to get out the way
I got a ps5 for my brother, best trade i've ever made
What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me? Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.
My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather , that is until my mom took the urn away from me
“I’m thinking about killing off the main character in this book I’m writing.”
“What type of book is it?”
What do you call a alligator that cant geg hard. A reptile disfunction
what happens when the president turns emo? the great depression
Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy" to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, i'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy.
Why are Orphans so bad at dodgeball
Because no one misses them
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
Ever heard of the show naked and afraid? thats what i call hide and seek with my uncle.
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.