Worst Jokes Ever

I got a ps5 for my brother, best trade i've ever made

What do you call a alligator that cant geg hard. A reptile disfunction

Theres an outbreak of the foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.

I hope my teacher will be ok

My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather , that is until my mom took the urn away from me

What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.

Why did the twin towers complain to the pizza restaurant?…because they orded pepperoni pizza and got plain

Why can’t orphans go on school trips?

Parents signature _________

Why are Orphans so bad at dodgeball

Because no one misses them

what happens when the president turns emo? the great depression

jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter

please like this. i bet my friend 20 bucks that i would get to 15 likes before him

When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.

But when you do, people scream and run away.

why did the orphan become a stripper? so she could have someone to call daddy

“I’m thinking about killing off the main character in this book I’m writing.”

“What type of book is it?”

“An autobiography.”

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy" to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, i'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy.

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

What is a Manchester United fan’s favourite TV channel? The History Channel.

“I’m sorry” and “I apologise” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.