A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that. "new around here?" said the bartender "nah, been here awile" said the robot Bartender "you can talk?" robot "yeah, pretty cool huh." bartender "why do you want a martini" robot "oh, i'm just in the mood for one, you know?" The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk. The robot seems to be just like a normal human, "wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender "the top minds in the world." said the robot. The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..." Bartender, "what?" "Why did you read this entire story, it does not have a punchline, I just wasted your time, Get bamboozled nerd!"
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them mommy or daddy.
If I was an object in this world I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I'm a star! Because one of these days I'm going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.
If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it's dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I'm like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I'm like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I'm like a shity book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety
Help me....
How do you know when I cabbage is boiled?
The wheel chair floats to the top
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Setting: Funeral Home
Customer: Yes I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation but I feel that's silly to ask.
Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over hear at a discounted 75 percent off. Customer: Okay? What's the catch. That's almost 300 dollars off?
Funeral Director: I assure you these are top of the line urns and will keep your loved ones remains secure and dry. Customer: Okay?
Funeral Director: Yep these have only been used once so it's is absolutely worth the purchase.
By: MiniMemorials.com
What do u call a bunch of whilchares on top of one another. ? A vegetable rack
K Half is definitely a bottom
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
That doesn't matter, we need to get the best joker to go back to posting here, he was funny but now people say they are him and ruin his good name, he was the top of the charts for over a year, so screw all these chumps! Bring back THE REAL SPECIAL!!!
also, the chicken dies in the end, ha ha, funny, whatever.
Why do midgets need a lot of books at school?
So they can reach the top of the desk.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
are you a gravestone? because i really wish you're on top of me right now!
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Okay what do you call that purple thing your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend so for some weird reason? Dad better look out from Bob battery operated boyfriend hahaha
If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes what would you get? A retiree
Jk: jimin why are you so small? Jm: excujjimi? Jk: no offense jim jm: yah call me hyung! Jk: but im bigger jm: im older! Jk: im tge top and your tge bottom so i dobt think its right to call you hyung.. jm:......
