Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"

I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Because of all the rampant inbreeding in America, it's not a surprise that Hollywood had to poach models, comedians, and actors from Canada and Australia.

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    • I got suspended for asking an emo kid if he wants to hang out with me.

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    • The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

    I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.

    I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.

    But no one would do it.

    There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel. - Crackling of fire. - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you. - Cats purring.

    Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them, and now it’s a sensitive subject.

    Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.

    Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”

    “Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”

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    • If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.

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    • Walked in to a gun store, everything was half off.

    I didn't know back-to-school shopping started.

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