Worst Jokes Ever
Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
Because they are really good at saving.
So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"
Why can't he say that?
Answer: He works at an orphanage.
What do you call an orphan with a selfie?
A family portrait.
Why do I call my priest daddy?
Because he raped my mom when she was 13. She's 27 now.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Can you walk the dog for me?
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting cow." "Interrupting cow wh-" "MOO!"
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
Suicide squad.
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
How do mountains see? They peek.
What instrument do people like to listen to while having sex?
A sex-a-phone.
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.
What's worse than having ants in your pants?
Uncles.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?
Mom: No.
Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.
Q: What did the fetus say to the tongs?
A: See you on the flip side.
Did you just fart a minute ago in the dumpster? I can tell you probably had a mud burrito for breakfast.
What do you call a fat man that has a stomach shaped like an egg?
Humpty Dumpty!
What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?
Uranus!
(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)
Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!
How do mountains get big?
They go trick-or-treating.